1:14 AM (A late night reflection)
In light of certain events that happened to me personally, I’ve decided to seek a counsel of people (those who are reading this) who I deem will regard and accept my request sincerely, in hopes, to advise me upon these matters and what I should do afterwards:
a. It has been a wonder to me how progressive my steps have been in towards change: either the better or the worst. Recently, I’ve developed an approach to “everybody” on this social platform and decided to *add* those who “seek to learn”. Seek to learn? Right. Of course, Allaah did not just create the male species so with it came the female audience as well. Much of it I realized earlier on and was able to push aside but now it has become a bit apparent.
Though I mentioned what I mentioned above, that’s not the problem. Knowing the person I am, I am not strong emotionally to reject a person when put on the spot. I find it difficult to say: “Sorry, I can’t talk to you because this is inappropriate.” or “I’m sorry, I am afraid we cannot chat.” I would get carried away and lull myself deeper until a small part of me shouts go away! That’s me. Even when my chat is off (24/7), those who are “friends” with me do have the ability to message or chat, right?
Solution: go back to square one, like how I began, to a female-free audience (?)
b. I begin to question myself, “has Allaah’s religion and the himma (motivation) to gain knowledge relied upon a person’s convenience (i.e. instances of a person’s free time where Facebook is checked)?“ You see, my purpose of having a Facebook is to post Islamic reminders meant for people to read and learn from. That’s a pretty weak purpose now considering that we have to subject ourselves to modern day laziness of picking up the Qur’an – let alone a book of hadeeth or the Seerah.
Solution: spend less time on Facebook because no one really learns anyways (pretty stereotypical and broad, but that’s my opinion; feel free to disagree).
I fear lest I could harm those who I dear and dear me. These voices in my head are restraining me and kept me from thinking straight. Are they advices for goodness or tricks from the Shaytaan? Astaghfirullaah... maybe it is my sins that is blocking me from seeking clearly, which I ask Allaah to rectify my condition… :’(
(to be continued some other day…)